You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
