dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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