She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
