She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
is that a dick in a sweater?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
