i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just crazy horny about you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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