when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
