So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
