worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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