he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
