You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
