There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
