I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
