y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
