I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
