I wanna bring you to show and tell
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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