I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
