i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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