I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
