My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
