I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
