we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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