Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
