who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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