I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Randomize
