ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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