My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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