CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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