The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
