I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
