i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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