I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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