My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
