i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
