Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I believe in your delicious
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
