Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
