there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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