I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
