I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
