So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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