can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So vagazzling was a success
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
