im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
