i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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