You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How external is "for external use only"?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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