bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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