okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
