I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
