How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We just shotgunned beers for America
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
