I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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