No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
