Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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