I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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