dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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