i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
