i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
