I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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