I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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